On Homemaking. Yeah. I said Homemaking.

I’m not (nor do I aspire to be) Martha Stewart, nor am I sprung from The Handmaid’s Tale, and I have never mentally lived somewhere that’s green. I have problems putting away shoes, and jackets, and mail so that there is very frequently a shoe/mail/jacket farm in my living room. My house is not pristine, my wine glasses don’t match, and the bulk of my furniture is second hand. I, however, have been called a “consummate hostess” by at least one darling, handsome, Englishman, who most certainly knew what he was talking about. I will use his judgment of me to speak from a position of authority on this topic.

Scores of people have gotten lost in the idea that homemaking involves fancy stainless matching appliances, perfectly clean baseboards as all times, the nicest blankets…the trappings of Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma and Yankee Candle . It is as if there is an insidious voice permeating through society that tells us…if I only have the perfect candle and the perfect sheets and the perfect baskets in the perfect place, my family will be happy and we will all love each other and my friends will be happy here just like it happens on TV! This is housemaking. The making of a house. Housemaking is great, and sometimes lucrative, if you are a prop designer. Other than that – it doesn’t get you much of anywhere, except into a race where you chase the Jonses and never quite make it, but you might own a lovely collection of $100 baskets.

HOMEMAKING, on the other hand, as the term suggests, is about making a home. When you think “home” do you think – perfect knickknacks? Or do you think of a place, whatever that place is, where you feel safe, welcome, and at ease? Homemaking is about creating the latter, an emotional environment, knickknacks be dammed. When you come to my house** my greatest desire is that you feel comfortable and loved. Yup – loved. You come into my house – and there is love for you. Here are my most important house rules:

1.) Make yourself at home.
2.) It’s okay if you break something.
3.) It’s okay if you spill something.
4.) Nothing in my home is more important than the people in it.

Now of course, there’s a whole world of don’t be an ass, and pick up after yourself, and manners apply, yadda yadda, because that all goes to the whole comfort for all thing. AND – if Yankee Candles are truly what you love, put’em everywhere, go to town (I will probably judge you for this, but you probably wouldn’t have me over anyway)

At the end of the day though, when you are making a home and a life and building a family in whatever way you define it, having the best basket collection will not help you. Mad Men sold our mothers and fathers, and us, the idea, with their designers and food stylists and shiny appliances. A Viking range does not a home make. Might make you a nice pie, though.

**let me not leave out the BFF here :) - it’s our house – but it’s my blog and we’re not chatting before I post this…I expect she agrees with me.