Are you from the east coast too? Mid-Atlantic region? New York perhaps? Sing along – you know the tune…
1.) I’m too loud
2.) I talk too fast
3.) I expect customer service that at least alludes to the fact that you are supposed to be PROVIDING me a SERVICE in any sort of efficient fashion, and am not afraid to tell you about it if I sense that you do not understand this. Not that you are my bitch – or that I will be mean – but if I have to wait fifteen minutes to get a glass of water or a check at your restaurant – I will find what I need and take care of it myself.
4.) I know every word to every song that Billy Joel recorded up to the Glass Houses Album and will sing along whenever given the opportunity.
5.) I merge in traffic with deft purpose and no sense of regret (we’re all in this together people – CHOOSE. MERGE. ON WITH IT.)
6.) I judge you for calling those round circles of bready things you make here “bagels” and “pizza,” respectively. They are neither. While I’m at it – I suggest: “chewy bread rings” and “bucket’o cheese.”
7.) I walk faster than you.
8.) I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
9.) I will stand in no lines that serve no purpose.
10.) I hate the Bears, the Cubs, the Sox, Chicago style hot dogs, St. Patrick’s Day, and all things from Ohio.
All of this said, I have adjusted to my status as the red headed step-child of the Midwest.
The thing is…I love LOVE love Chicago. I love this town. I might never feel 100% at home here, but I feel more at home in my life, in this freezing cold, far too hot, irritatingly slow, aggressively polite and inappropriately touchy city with no regard for personal space and some strange sweatshirt-applique fetish, than I ever did back east, despite the high quality seafood and general efficiency.
So – Chicago – Thank you. We might never see eye-to-eye on everything, and you might think I’m a rude-ass whore, but you’re my city, and I’m here to stay.
3 comments:
While we're on lists:
1) Your thoughts on pizza make me giggle. As a southerner, I'd love to know what you think constitutes barbecue.
2) Don't hate on a holiday dedicated to celebrating the irish. They built the railroads (the Eastern half, anyway) and make the rest of us feel like we're not really alcoholics. Never underestimate the value in that.
3) Cleveland rocks.
4) If you think Chicago is "aggressively polite" I invite you to spend a month in Montgomery, Alabama. Only after you've fully experienced "passive-aggressively polite" could you possibly appreciate the frankness of the midwestern way.
1.) I will eat BBQ is any form. Wet, dry, whatever. If possible, some guy named bucky has cooked it in a shack for a million hours.
2.) Good point - but I cannot support that much amateur drinking, just as I cannot support dining out on Valentine's day.
3.) Ohio is the worst state, Cleveland or no.
4.) Tempting - perhaps I shall - but they would likely run me out of town.
3.) You obviously have not spent enough time in Oklahoma.
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