Joy! bunnies!

for you...


For those of you that care - I apologize for being late. I had a meeting - it ate my soul - you know the drill. I'm back now, I like you, and here's some joy! see how I give?

Joy!

I think this is exquisite....

Five things I know about that you should know about...

Good morning sir - may I offer you some JOY?

Hello everybody - welcome to the week. I hope you come out the winner.

This is for you...

The vengeful return of Jokey McJokerson...

Two blonds were walking through the woods when they came across some tracks. The first blond said "Look, deer tracks!" while the second blond insisted, "No those are bear tracks." They argued. Then the train hit them.

If the cat were in charge of my blog...

...it would look like this

Apparently some guy wrote a magical program out of ones and zeros to turn your blog all cat like...

Bizarre.


(Kudos to pelki for the link. Thanks friend!)

JOY Yeah - I TOLD you I was back.

So I have aboslutley nothing to say about this - other than I hope to God that this is her real hair. Happy new week.

So I've got that going for me...which is nice.

So - it's no secret to anyone that I've been a bit up and down of late, mired in some world where Bridget Jones, Eyore, and Samuel Beckett had an orgy that birthed my brain. This particular brain has been wreaking havoc on my life.

During a great bout of said havoc-wreaking the other day my friend happened to call and as we chatted she asked me if I was really that upset. I attempted to flatly reply...

"yeah"

I tried to explain why - a nearly impossible feat - and it doesn't bear here so I'm not going to repeat it.
In response she told me a story...

Many years ago we were all playing with one of those questions books, this one was "Would you rather?" The question at hand,

"Would you rather gain the ability to leave excellent voicemail messages or have the elevator come more quickly by pushing the buttons rapidly, multiple times?"

I had said: "Well I already leave AWESOME voicemail messages so I've gotta go elevator."

She apparently now thinks of me whenever trying to get the elevator to come faster.

I have no recollection of this moment - but it's nice to know I trust that I have at least one thing under control.

I'm sure you do too. Something is bound to break you eventually - you can always fall back on your personal equivalent of excellent voicemail messages. It's a good thing to have in your pocket.

Double Whammy JOY! Yeah baby - we're back

(thanks to Grammarpants McCoy)
Hi all. Sorry for the no joy last week. I apparently had to run a big meeting and have an existential crisis. Meeting is over. Existential crisis - under control(ish). Welcome to JOY!
And as a special dedication to our friends across the pond. Thanks for checking in. This one is for you.

I just can't help myself...

You know - somedays you are just feeling east coast and BIG HAIR.

Good morning to you.

Hmmm - How about ...Things that are COLD

First off - let's go with ME - I'm a cold and evil woman for not posting JOY.

Monday was President's day. I was busy celebrating because no matter what happens, George Bush will not be president next year.
Or I was taking a nap.
Or I was learning how to raise glittery unicorns.
Or I was busy recovering from the abject embarrassment of having one manhattan too many the night before and for the first time ever - totally losing my balance and FALLING into a nice man that I was flirting with. (For the grammarpants among you - the nice man with whom I was flirting)
Or I was in astronaut training.

I'll let you guess which of the above is true, and which is a lie.

That said - It's zero degrees in Chicago! Let's talk about stuff that's cold...shall we?

1.) Girls in middle school (U-G-L-Y you ain't got no ALIBI you're UGLY, oh my god your UGLY)

2.) A nice manhattan

3.) The tiny bottom of Rosemary's baby(cute but eeeeeeevil)

4.) Gold. If you change a letter.

5.) Iceman (the Val Kilmer version - not the one that cometh)

6.) The Dairy Queen Dipcone!

7.) My cute little tootsies in the FREAKING COLD WEATHER.

8.) Catholicism

9.) Bill O'Reilly (well- he's just an asshole - but I'm considering that cold. Not like Tim Russert - who is a warm fuzzy teddybear and I heart him)

10.) CHICAGO. Ow.

OOOh - Beethoven off!

So - Inspired by this little video from by Chert(impossible to spell)k over at Nobody's Friend, I thought that I would bring you this...

JOY for Tuesday? Perhaps....
Cartoon love for the week at hand? Maybe...
Musical theatre making a mockery out of something revered? Possibly...

Eye of the beholder...blah blah blah.

Enjoy!

JOY!

For you and your sweetheart.

It's Sunday. Ow.

Hello All! I had at least two inspiring and thoughtful ideas on which to write today. I however forgot that at 34 years old, my body doesn't take too kindly to drinking until 3:30am. SO - At some point this week, I will have something possibly interesting (or not - you be the judge - judging is fun!) to say. Hell - feel free to send in requests or questions that you would like an answer to. Perhaps I will take the time to address your needs and wants. Maybe not. Isn't the suspense killing you?

Today - nothing of depth is coming from me. Here is a list of ten things, of no depth whatsoever, that I would say to you if you were in my apartment RIGHT NOW.

1.) Would you like some water?

2.) Yes - it in fact IS 95 degrees in here, even though it is 0 degrees outside.

3.) This is my cat. I am no longer in charge and I apologize in advance for the awesomeness of her belligerence.

4.) Why, I'd be DELIGHTED to let you do my laundry - thank you so much.

5.) You look great! And smell vaguely of debauchery!

6.) Would you like some jerky?

7.) Dinner is in the dinner cooking machine. (I actually just said this. Should give you some sense as to where my head is.)

8.) Hey! Have you tried the Belief-o-matic? You totally should! I'm a neo-pagan, according to this. Pretty dead on. More dead on is my incompatibility with Catholicism. Good thing I gave it up for lent in 1990)

9.) Are you sure that I can't offer you anything?

10.) Yes - that is a copy of the autobiography of Lee Iacocca. No - it is not mine.

Whatever you do - don't go here

Flight of the Hamsters