Jokey McJokerson rides again!

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?


Cause she was a WOMAN.



heh. I should be horribly offended by this joke. Oddly - I'm not. But I doubt that's surprising.

Last night I had the strangest dream...

In my dream I was committed to an insane asylum that looked like a regular Hampton Inny sort of place. I didn't know it was an asylum until I started paying REEEEEEALY close attention and noticed that, while most of the people seemed okay, they all had little signs like "I eat canned human flesh" and such things randomly scrawled on their body - a'la the infamous Dixie Chicks Entertainment Weekly cover. I started to wise up when realized that I didn't know how long I had been there. I escaped, Jason Bourne style, surreptitiously jumping gates and then running down the side of the road (in a fluffy skirt - I can't explain THAT part at all - but it was a super cute skirt)I hitched a ride in an eighteen wheeler with the asylum people chasing me. Eventually - I made it back to town where I FINALLY found someone I knew, who informed me that I'd been I'd been gone for 6 months and everyone thought I was a bitch for just running off.

SO - just for the good of the order - if I ever entirely disappear, I have been committed against my will. Please come find me.

Happy Friday!

Yes - but can you tie a clove hitch?

Old-timey dancin...this time with rope tricks!

JOY!

Holla for the JOY! My greatest apologies that it's been so long...

Let's get the ball rolling with a little Easter Parade...shall we?

Whos says never say "can't" ?

(or Kant - but that's a whole other post)

Words I can’t spell:
1.) Definitely
2.) Opportunities
3.) Hors D'oeuvres
4.) Yogurt
5.) Hieronymus

Places I can’t locate on a map:
1.) Nebraska
2.) Wyoming
3.) New Zealand
4.) The country formerly known as Chad
5.) Kentucky

Things I can’t care about:
1.) Perfectly organized files
2.) Flying Squirrels
3.) Jenna Jameson (Although I did go to college with this guy (LINK SO NSFW) so at least there is a porn star somewhere I can care about.
4.) Probiotics
5.) Nebraska

People I can’t like
1.) Bjork
2.) Vincent D’Onofrio
3.) The nasty flaming bartender at my favorite bar. Sad that.
4.) George Bush
5.) This guy:

Joy! bunnies!

for you...


For those of you that care - I apologize for being late. I had a meeting - it ate my soul - you know the drill. I'm back now, I like you, and here's some joy! see how I give?

Joy!

I think this is exquisite....

Five things I know about that you should know about...

Good morning sir - may I offer you some JOY?

Hello everybody - welcome to the week. I hope you come out the winner.

This is for you...

The vengeful return of Jokey McJokerson...

Two blonds were walking through the woods when they came across some tracks. The first blond said "Look, deer tracks!" while the second blond insisted, "No those are bear tracks." They argued. Then the train hit them.

If the cat were in charge of my blog...

...it would look like this

Apparently some guy wrote a magical program out of ones and zeros to turn your blog all cat like...

Bizarre.


(Kudos to pelki for the link. Thanks friend!)

JOY Yeah - I TOLD you I was back.

So I have aboslutley nothing to say about this - other than I hope to God that this is her real hair. Happy new week.

So I've got that going for me...which is nice.

So - it's no secret to anyone that I've been a bit up and down of late, mired in some world where Bridget Jones, Eyore, and Samuel Beckett had an orgy that birthed my brain. This particular brain has been wreaking havoc on my life.

During a great bout of said havoc-wreaking the other day my friend happened to call and as we chatted she asked me if I was really that upset. I attempted to flatly reply...

"yeah"

I tried to explain why - a nearly impossible feat - and it doesn't bear here so I'm not going to repeat it.
In response she told me a story...

Many years ago we were all playing with one of those questions books, this one was "Would you rather?" The question at hand,

"Would you rather gain the ability to leave excellent voicemail messages or have the elevator come more quickly by pushing the buttons rapidly, multiple times?"

I had said: "Well I already leave AWESOME voicemail messages so I've gotta go elevator."

She apparently now thinks of me whenever trying to get the elevator to come faster.

I have no recollection of this moment - but it's nice to know I trust that I have at least one thing under control.

I'm sure you do too. Something is bound to break you eventually - you can always fall back on your personal equivalent of excellent voicemail messages. It's a good thing to have in your pocket.

Double Whammy JOY! Yeah baby - we're back

(thanks to Grammarpants McCoy)
Hi all. Sorry for the no joy last week. I apparently had to run a big meeting and have an existential crisis. Meeting is over. Existential crisis - under control(ish). Welcome to JOY!
And as a special dedication to our friends across the pond. Thanks for checking in. This one is for you.

I just can't help myself...

You know - somedays you are just feeling east coast and BIG HAIR.

Good morning to you.