1.)I am exhausted of crafting delicately worded emails to strangers. It's like a never ending version of small talk, with additional judgement for poor spelling and punctuation.
2.) I should probably get a city sticker for my car before I go out on a date with a cop.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Ten things I know...
1.) A disney soundtrack is almost always fun and will put you in an exceedingly happy place, but rarely can you admit this in public without mockery.
2.) I would make a terrible vegetarian.
3.) If you ask yourself "What is the bravest decision I can make?," and then make that one, you will rarely lead yourself astray, and your life will thank you for it.
4.) Despite your best intentions, and most noble goals, not everyone appreciates you telling them the truth when they ask you for it. Especially when these people are your parents.
5.) I suspect there is a limit to the amount of things one can own with Jesus and/or the Virgin Mary on it before the Catholic church forcibly takes me back, but I figure if I keep trying hard enough I might get a free trip to Vatican City. (I realize I'm sneaking in an "I suspect", but you'll live. I can't know EVERYTHING. just most things.)
6.) Bananas are all clones of each other - like a disgusting, mooshy space army. One more reason they are evil and loathed.
7.) "Huzzah!" is fun to say out loud in public, but it takes a real, non-ironic, commitment to pull it off.
8.) Most of the time, the person making your life suck is you. Man up and figure it the hell out.
9.) Manipulation should never be used in your personal life, but can be an effective business tactic when properly applied in an unselfish manner.
10.) Green shoes: best.idea.ever.
2.) I would make a terrible vegetarian.
3.) If you ask yourself "What is the bravest decision I can make?," and then make that one, you will rarely lead yourself astray, and your life will thank you for it.
4.) Despite your best intentions, and most noble goals, not everyone appreciates you telling them the truth when they ask you for it. Especially when these people are your parents.
5.) I suspect there is a limit to the amount of things one can own with Jesus and/or the Virgin Mary on it before the Catholic church forcibly takes me back, but I figure if I keep trying hard enough I might get a free trip to Vatican City. (I realize I'm sneaking in an "I suspect", but you'll live. I can't know EVERYTHING. just most things.)
6.) Bananas are all clones of each other - like a disgusting, mooshy space army. One more reason they are evil and loathed.
7.) "Huzzah!" is fun to say out loud in public, but it takes a real, non-ironic, commitment to pull it off.
8.) Most of the time, the person making your life suck is you. Man up and figure it the hell out.
9.) Manipulation should never be used in your personal life, but can be an effective business tactic when properly applied in an unselfish manner.
10.) Green shoes: best.idea.ever.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
aaaaaaand...we're back!
Hey friends - It's been way too long. I had to fix my life, and it seems that I have. What can I say? Somedays you just have to stick it out until your little froggy self realizes the water is boiling, and then you must heal all of the burns. I'm pleased to say that this is now done - until it happens again, which I'm pretty sure it will someday. Ah - life, you are a wacky mistress.
It's an interesting day when you wake up and realize that were you to win the lottery you would change almost nothing about your life (this day was not today, BTW, it was a bit ago...but as always - had to put on the giant, soul sucking, meeting of doom and got waylayed from my return to the blogosphere). I'd travel more, I'd work less, I'd set up scholarships and fund a bunch of art, but in the end - I've got what I want. Which is a minor miracle for those of you that have known me for any significant length of time. For those of you that are strangers, well, you'll just have to wonder...
So! Let's start this our on an up note - shall we? Of course, it's not like I'm all joy and love and ponies...
The Hat of Judgement returns! Here's what I feel like judging today.
1.) Ohio...steeped in evil and full of insipid, overpriced baskets.
2.) Zombies...still fun, if now cliche.
3.) My brother...Spectacular. (and also has a really good arm, which I know from when he threw a rock at my head in our youth...but I digress.)
4.) The mere fact that I managed to get Billy Joel tickets...surprising and AWESOME! (yeah - if you are not jealous - you should be. If he plays Zanzibar I might actually cry)
5.) Fringe...good for all occasions. Although I should probably re-evaluate my stance on this as I landed last minute free tickets to the Fleetwood Mac show this year, and as I threw on my standard goin' out uniform A, it occurred to me that I MIGHT look a bit more like a Stevie Nicks groupie than I was comfortable with...
6.) Alliteration...luscious, lovely, languid.
7.) High Fructose Corn Syrup...worst idea ever.
8.) People that leave their carts in the middle of a skinny aisle, therefore blocking everyone else's way...rude. RUDE. pay attention to your surroundings people - we're all in this together.
9.) Arbor day...why?
10.) Nathan Fillion...averagely talented, but super dreamy. Thanks Joss Whedon!
It's an interesting day when you wake up and realize that were you to win the lottery you would change almost nothing about your life (this day was not today, BTW, it was a bit ago...but as always - had to put on the giant, soul sucking, meeting of doom and got waylayed from my return to the blogosphere). I'd travel more, I'd work less, I'd set up scholarships and fund a bunch of art, but in the end - I've got what I want. Which is a minor miracle for those of you that have known me for any significant length of time. For those of you that are strangers, well, you'll just have to wonder...
So! Let's start this our on an up note - shall we? Of course, it's not like I'm all joy and love and ponies...
The Hat of Judgement returns! Here's what I feel like judging today.
1.) Ohio...steeped in evil and full of insipid, overpriced baskets.
2.) Zombies...still fun, if now cliche.
3.) My brother...Spectacular. (and also has a really good arm, which I know from when he threw a rock at my head in our youth...but I digress.)
4.) The mere fact that I managed to get Billy Joel tickets...surprising and AWESOME! (yeah - if you are not jealous - you should be. If he plays Zanzibar I might actually cry)
5.) Fringe...good for all occasions. Although I should probably re-evaluate my stance on this as I landed last minute free tickets to the Fleetwood Mac show this year, and as I threw on my standard goin' out uniform A, it occurred to me that I MIGHT look a bit more like a Stevie Nicks groupie than I was comfortable with...
6.) Alliteration...luscious, lovely, languid.
7.) High Fructose Corn Syrup...worst idea ever.
8.) People that leave their carts in the middle of a skinny aisle, therefore blocking everyone else's way...rude. RUDE. pay attention to your surroundings people - we're all in this together.
9.) Arbor day...why?
10.) Nathan Fillion...averagely talented, but super dreamy. Thanks Joss Whedon!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Joy for Mon...Tuesday! Okay - I owe you one...
Due to my ridiculous day yesterday - yes there was no joy. But TODAY hopefully it will be the most joy of the past eight years...
So first up! Non electoral joy...
And in honor of Election day... you get THIS TOO!
Lets hope this time tomorrow - we all have the JOY...
So first up! Non electoral joy...
And in honor of Election day... you get THIS TOO!
Lets hope this time tomorrow - we all have the JOY...
Monday, October 27, 2008
eeeeeeeeeeeh - Joy for Monday!
You've probably see this. But it derserves your attention.
Happy Monday! And lets hope that we have a very happy November 5.
See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die
Happy Monday! And lets hope that we have a very happy November 5.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Joy for Monday! From a remote location...
THIS is how much I care. I'm running a meetings, and yet - joy for you! I know. I'm a giver.
Go here. You will enjoy it. I'm TOTALLY in love with this an dthese people. It is totally safe for work. You're gonna have to trust me. Put all of your scary trust issues aside - as if you read this blog at all, I'm confident that you are all broken and twisty on the inside, despite any candy coated verneer you have developed after all of these years. So. Just go there. You wil thank me.
If you are still a TOTAL chicken...here's a picture. Yeah - you can have some joy too, but I'm secretly judging your validity as a person on this side of the interwebs.
from cute overload...
Go here. You will enjoy it. I'm TOTALLY in love with this an dthese people. It is totally safe for work. You're gonna have to trust me. Put all of your scary trust issues aside - as if you read this blog at all, I'm confident that you are all broken and twisty on the inside, despite any candy coated verneer you have developed after all of these years. So. Just go there. You wil thank me.
If you are still a TOTAL chicken...here's a picture. Yeah - you can have some joy too, but I'm secretly judging your validity as a person on this side of the interwebs.
from cute overload...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Joy for Monday! It will warm the cockles of your cold cold heart.!
BABY DEER! Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
That is all. Enjoy your day.
Chicagoversary!
So - as of this weekend, Friday to be exact, I have lived in Chicago for three years. Here are the top ten things that I have learned.
1.) If you don't care about baseball -the Chicago Cubs are a pain in the ass.
2.) You cannot spend too much money on a really good pair of shoes, or a really warm coat.
3.) There are places in the world (Chicago) where strangers think that if they touch you, you will be comforted and calmed by it. The people that do this must be tolerated, if secretly loathed and judged.
4.) It is possible to be too polite.
5.) When you don't drive on the highway for a long time, you lose your beltway-drivin' edge.
6.) There is something called a cheese curd. It is nasty and loved by many of the midwestern folk.
7.) There is nothing that cannot be fried.
8.) People that say what they mean, and mean what they say, are terribly underrated.
9.) If people tell you you speak too fast when you live on the east coast - people in the midwest don't have a chance at understanding any word that comes out of your mouth.
10.) The Chicago-style hot dog is a criminal act perpetrated by bored midwesterners with too many condiments on hand.
Now- am I happier than when I lived in DC? I don't know. That's a question for the ages, but I'm certainly having more fun, and I definately love Chicago. So all-in-all - good decision to move. Especially since, now that the cubs blew it, I no longer have to make small talk about the series. Which I consider quite a blessing.
1.) If you don't care about baseball -the Chicago Cubs are a pain in the ass.
2.) You cannot spend too much money on a really good pair of shoes, or a really warm coat.
3.) There are places in the world (Chicago) where strangers think that if they touch you, you will be comforted and calmed by it. The people that do this must be tolerated, if secretly loathed and judged.
4.) It is possible to be too polite.
5.) When you don't drive on the highway for a long time, you lose your beltway-drivin' edge.
6.) There is something called a cheese curd. It is nasty and loved by many of the midwestern folk.
7.) There is nothing that cannot be fried.
8.) People that say what they mean, and mean what they say, are terribly underrated.
9.) If people tell you you speak too fast when you live on the east coast - people in the midwest don't have a chance at understanding any word that comes out of your mouth.
10.) The Chicago-style hot dog is a criminal act perpetrated by bored midwesterners with too many condiments on hand.
Now- am I happier than when I lived in DC? I don't know. That's a question for the ages, but I'm certainly having more fun, and I definately love Chicago. So all-in-all - good decision to move. Especially since, now that the cubs blew it, I no longer have to make small talk about the series. Which I consider quite a blessing.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Joy. For. MONDAAAAAAY!
Hi All - for the three of you that read my blog - wow am I sorry for being such a slacker. I was not okay, and then I was swamped, and then I was tired, and now I'm great and I'm back!
SO! here - for you - are two of the things I love the most (cake and muppets!) combined into one.
Click the photo for more tasty pictures of this blue-ribbon winning (literally!) cake, courtesy of http://www.cakewrecks.com/
SO! here - for you - are two of the things I love the most (cake and muppets!) combined into one.
Click the photo for more tasty pictures of this blue-ribbon winning (literally!) cake, courtesy of http://www.cakewrecks.com/
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The perils of being historically notable...
Dear God. Please never let me be important enough that this would ever happen my undergarments. Thank you for not making me Queen of England. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have Santa bring me a pony.
Amen.
PS - I want one of these too!
LONDON (AP) - Her majesty would not be amused. A pair of Queen Victoria's bloomers, with a 50-inch waist, were snapped up for $9,000 by a Canadian buyer at a central England auction Wednesday.
Auctioneer Charles Hanson said Queen Victoria's underpants belonged to "a very big lady of quite small stature with a very wide girth." She was said to be 5 feet tall.
The handmade knickers -- which date back to the 1890s -- bear the monogram -- VR -- for Victoria Regina. They are open-crotch style, with separate legs joined by a drawstring at the waist, a popular style in the late Victorian era.
The royal drawers belonged to a family in western England whose ancestor was a lady-in-waiting for the queen.
"These pants, considering their provenance and pedigree, are very exciting," Hanson said. "They are monogrammed and crested and we know that they are hers."
Also up for auction was Queen Victoria's chemise, with a 66-inch bust, sold for $8,000. Her nightgown sold for $11,000.
Amen.
PS - I want one of these too!
LONDON (AP) - Her majesty would not be amused. A pair of Queen Victoria's bloomers, with a 50-inch waist, were snapped up for $9,000 by a Canadian buyer at a central England auction Wednesday.
Auctioneer Charles Hanson said Queen Victoria's underpants belonged to "a very big lady of quite small stature with a very wide girth." She was said to be 5 feet tall.
The handmade knickers -- which date back to the 1890s -- bear the monogram -- VR -- for Victoria Regina. They are open-crotch style, with separate legs joined by a drawstring at the waist, a popular style in the late Victorian era.
The royal drawers belonged to a family in western England whose ancestor was a lady-in-waiting for the queen.
"These pants, considering their provenance and pedigree, are very exciting," Hanson said. "They are monogrammed and crested and we know that they are hers."
Also up for auction was Queen Victoria's chemise, with a 66-inch bust, sold for $8,000. Her nightgown sold for $11,000.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I'm back!
Shrimp '08 has concluded. I survived it! I hope you survived your week as well.
Here's a list of stuff I do to recover from my Annual Meeting upon my return:
1.) Nap.
2.) Drink.
3.) Buy shoes.
4.) Nap Drunk.
5.) Nap.
6.) Watch Law & Order
7.) Drink and watch Law & Order.
8.) Buy more shoes.
9.) Nap.
10.) Make sure cat is not dead.
Welcome to the rest of my summer. Joy shall return for Monday.
Here's a list of stuff I do to recover from my Annual Meeting upon my return:
1.) Nap.
2.) Drink.
3.) Buy shoes.
4.) Nap Drunk.
5.) Nap.
6.) Watch Law & Order
7.) Drink and watch Law & Order.
8.) Buy more shoes.
9.) Nap.
10.) Make sure cat is not dead.
Welcome to the rest of my summer. Joy shall return for Monday.
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