Things I will never be naieve enough do again....

1.) Trust any alcoholic beverage that is a color that doesn't occur in nature.

2.) Take Communion

3.) Eat Oysters

4.) Fly with a layover when there is any other option.

5.) Give the kitten a dip in sulfuric solution while wearing short sleeves. Or anything less than kevlar.


Ow.

In Egg Shell Seas Day-o

I will take this moment to post a magical vegas photo and wish you all a very merry Christmas! A lovely holiday, of your choosing, to you and yours.

Wait - did you miss some JOY?!?

Yeah. I'm late. Sorry. you'll live. Merry impending holiday!

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

We did personality testing at work the other week. Typically - I enjoy such exercises, and am rarely surprised by the results (for you Meyers-Briggs fans out there I'm an ENTJ - I believe that personality type boils down to, soulless, but can deliver.)

Last time out we did something different - DiSC Training, which stands for Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, Conscientiousness.

I share with you now - my DiSC profile.
________________________________________
I have the "Inspirational Pattern"

Emotions: Accepts aggression, downplays need for affection.

Goal: Control of their environment or audience.

Judges others by: Projection of personal strength, character, and social power.

Influences others by: Charm, direction, intimidation, use of rewards.

Value to the organization: Acts as a "people mover," initiates, demands, compliments, disciplines.

Overuses: Attitude that "the ends justify the means."

Under Pressure: Becomes manipulative, quarrelsome, belligerent.

Fears: Weak behavior, loss of social status.

Would increase effectiveness through: Genuine sensitivity, willingness to help others to succeed in their own personal development.
______________________________________

I'm not going to get into the rest of the description now - it's three paragraphs long and is probably more than you want to know about me. Highlights include"astute at identifying and manipulating an individual's existing motives in order to direct that person's behavior toward a predetermined end" and "people often feel a conflicting sensation by feeling drawn to Inspirational people and yet being curiously distanced"

Granted - this is how your personality is at the office - not at home or in personal relationships where it can change** but I believe what I learned most from this excercise is that I missed my calling as a cult leader.

**those of you that know me personally - you have my permission to roll your eyes knowingly at this post. That said, I'm pretty sure I'm not as evil yet tasty at home as they say I am at work. If so - sorry if you feel curiously distanced from me :) - perhaps this explains my enduring singleness.

Need a lovely gift for those special people in your life?

Just for the hell of it

Olly olly oxen JOY!!!

Happy Monday. This is for you.

SPOON!

Lunchtime. Rambling. Tuesday.

So - I'm eating my lunch with a baby spoon today as our office does not keep utensils around and it was the only thing I can find. Sadly - chili does not lend itself to ladylike behavior when eaten with fingers.

It occurs to me that the maraschino cherry - a slightly hot topic of late - would fit quite well in a baby spoon...and in a manhattan...but I digress.

We started putting the tree up last night and it made me think of my mother who had great affection for all disgusting food products of the 70's.

To that end I bring you...

Horrifying "foods" and "beverages" of the 70's that are qualified as excellent by my befuddled parents.
Hey Brotherman - feel free to play along!

1.) Deviled Ham

2.) Port Wine Cheese Spread

3.) Raw Cauliflower (okay - probably not just 70's related, but I can't shake the association)

4.) Vienna Sausages

5.) Canned Asparagus (see "Raw Cauliflower")

6.) The Harvey Wallbanger

7.) Blue Nun

8.) Gherkins/ Pistachio Flavored Instant Pudding (tie)

9.) Rumaki

10.) Creme de Menthe

I can't that the universe for much, but I can thank it for making me a halfway decent cook given the history here. I've got that going for me, which is nice.

hey...look there in the sky...it's some JOY!

I think we should move easily into our joyous weeks. So - I'm gonna start you off nice and mellow. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm thrilled to welcome back to the stage, Mr. Martin Sexton!



If you're not feelin' Marty...
Well - here's a picture of a lady in a whole bunch of hat.

Yikes.

Feel some joy that that's not on YOUR head.

Ten more things I know....

1.) Many things can be improved with the addition of a maraschino cherry.

2.) If you want to express displeasure to/at someone while giving them no actual insult to report and therefore letting you dissappear with the last word while they are left inarticulate and stunned, saying "Jesus loves you" in just the right tone of voice does very nicely.

3.) It would be great fun if the fortunes in fortune cookies exploded into a hail of fire after you read them.

4.) Some men ARE in fact brave enough to show up outside the window to my apartment at 2:00am on a school night. (this particular gentelman was unlucky enough to have me go all Tennessee Willaims on his ass from my third floor three flat window, but I digress...)

5.) If you put a hot turkey in a beer cooler for an hour, it will be piping hot when you remove it. Who knew? Thanksgiving is saved!

6.) It is in fact possible to successfully sport a cocktail dress and chain mail at a five-star hotel.

7.) "The Muppets Greatest Hits" on your ipod is always a crowd pleaser. Especially when it's on shuffle.

8.) Legwarmers are awesome.

9.) There is a special kind of irony in going out for a 30 minute run and screwing up your back badly enough that you spend the whole next day on the couch eating tiny slices of leftover birthday cake.

10.) There is great joy in cooking something for the first time and having it proclaimed "equally as good as my grandma's" by a friend. thanks boo!

Mudballs are FUN!

It's mud. And art. Super cool.

oh JOY...for Monday that is....

Welcome to your week. This is for you.



and THIS is for you...



and lastly...this is for you too! See how I give :)

The joy is back! I know - I'm a slacker

Hi Everyone! Sorry there has been no joy. First I went to Vegas, then I had to spend a week catching up (read - in a conversation with myself about unpacking and what the maximum acheivable level of hungover could be), then I got all busy - but now I'm BACK!

first up - here's some joy...

This is my new kitten. YAY! I rescued her from children who were trying to light her on fire. My karma is now back in check. Her name is Grendel aka The Great and Powerful Fennel...

Next up - here are some things that I learned in Las Vegas:

1.) Bourbon, stilettos, and cobblestone are a wicked combination requiring focus and ankle strength.

2.) The following thing does exist: a lesbian with too much frosted pink eyeshadow.

3.) It's worth paying the extra money for homemade salami (Thank you Mario Batali)

4.) You can, in fact, lose a chunk of money on penny slots.

5.) Tony Danza is still getting work, this time in The Producers. God save us.

6.) Apparently, the bulk of Americans think it is okay to go into the world in mis-matched sweats while on vacation. (no wonder everyone hates us)

7.) A tiny eclair with breakfast = joy!

I've only got seven today - but - keep your eye on this space and magical pictures will appear.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Excuse me sir - would you care for some JOY?

I'm going to Vegas this week. For fun. and not for work. (!!!)

In honor of that - this is for you. (and yes - I know that this was actually shot in Hawaii - give me a break on that part...thanks)

Yeah..theoretically it's sexist but...

I suspect that if I lived in a time that supported dressing like a pinup girl every day...I probably would. Dear god I love those shoes.